Get ready to take Tony’s pop quiz

Hey folks, it’s February, which means we’re closer to spring. Here’s the Tony Bender Winter Survival Pop Quiz.

1. A sign you live in North Dakota:

a. You marry a girl for her tractor

b. You shovel snow with a grain scoop

c. When you go to Minneapolis you still wave at every car

d. You know Mt. Rushmore ain’t here

2. The most egregious Rock & Roll Hall of Fame snub ever is:

a. Bananarama

b. Thin Lizzy

c. Thin Mints

d. Milo Hatzenbuhler the Strasburg Superstar

3. Something surprising about Alan Dershowitz:

a. Is often out-lawyered by a cat

b. Even keeps his underwear on in the shower

c. Sang backup for Pink Floyd

d. He’s making it up

4. What’s the correct spelling?

a. Knoepfla

b. Knoephla

c. Knephla

d. Angioplasty

5. Great Britain just left the:

a. EU

b. IOU

c. E-I-E-I-O

d. IUD

6. Who will survive the contravirus?

a. Hermits

b. The unpopular girls in school

c. Prisoners in solitary confinement

d. Ice fishermen

7. The South Dakota Legislature wants to crack down on:

a. Transformers

b. Transgenders

c. Transistor radios

d. Compassion

8. The only thing to fear is:

a. John Bolton’s mustache

b. Running out of beer

c. Liver and onions

d. Legalized marijuana

9. Do noodles belong in chili?

a. No, they belong in Italy

b. Are you a maniac?

c. Okay, boomer

d. I’m telling Mom

Answers: 1. c; 2. d; 3. b; 4. d; 5. c; 6. b; 7. d; 8. a; 9. d. Grading: 9-7 correct: You can skip the ACT’s. 6-8 correct: Knock three times on the ceiling if it’s C, twice on the pipes if the answer is B. Bang on the trashcan if it’s a curve ball. 3-5 correct: Why do you keep answering E? 0-2 correct: Billy’s a smart kid, he’s just not applying himself.

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